BrokenRiceBowl.com
An Aikikai cult?
Interesting opinions from someone I don’t know, never met or talked to, much less trained with.
IMHO, personally and professionally, it sounds like more than the rice bowl is broken. Doesn’t it?
I am honored and humbled to be in such good company.
AikiWeb 03-09:
Let them fall.
Breathe in: invite them to enter
Breathe out: blend and take balance
Let them fall
We are constantly told to “make” things happen, and not to wait for things to happen. They tell us even those things that are not a “make”. We cannot “make“ourselves go to sleep; we can “let” ourselves. We cannot “make” someone love or like us (or vice versa), but we can “let” them and more importantly “let” ourselves.
There is a fine line between “make” and “let”. One strategy works great for one task and poorly for another. One strategy works great on one part of the learning curve, but impedes growth at another. And as the Serenity Prayer states, “Wisdom is knowing the difference”.
Aiki has been like that for me. It has been a journey from “make” into “let”. I first had to learn the craft of the different Aikido techniques. I focused on “making” myself move a certain way because that would “make” the other person move too. I do mean I had to “make” myself, because Aikido went against everything I intuitively trusted from the streets or had been trained into me through the military and bashing arts. That’s the craft, the discipline, learning the basics.
I think it was at an Aiki-jujutsu seminar that I first heard, “I don’t throw people. I simple take their balance and then let them fall.” It was funny because I vividly remember having the instructor move ever so slightly, look at me, smile, wait, and my balanced dropped out from under me. It was magic. How did he do that? I asked. He told me. It was impressive to find people who have “it” and they want you to have “it” too. A good instructor may look impressive to their students, but a great instructor wants their students to be impressed with what they themselves can do. Knowledge is like that. You can give it away and still retain it. Since we are no longer in the feuding family days, its probable pretty safe to share the secrets. Besides, to be honest, so few people will actually train to the point of getting “it”. At best, us hobbyists will get a glimpse at “it” and appreciate the view. No one can “make” us a better martial artist (or person), but they can offer us the way and “let” us follow if we choose to.
I have also heard that Aikido is about blending and taking balance. Another Sensei told me it was about posture and position. If you blend and take balance, people will naturally fall by their own momentum. If you take the right posture and position in relationship to your training partner, they will fall due to gravity. It probably has something to do with that extending ki and weight on the underside especially if it is connected through their center and directed toward or over a kuzushi balance point.
I jokingly say that two physical bodies cannot occupy the same physical space at the same time. (Actually that is not totally true, but the results are less than peaceful, so not well accepted in most Aikido circles). If you connect to their center and move first, you take their balance. Of course if they move first they just might take yours too. If you enter into the center of the technique first, they will tend to get off the attack line. You are the center they will rotate around. I tend to think about spiraling down towards a kuzushi balance point and the mat. It works better for me that the horizontal centripetal and centrifugal forces that feel more like an endless merry-go-round which can go on forever or at least until one become so dizzy that they “let” you fall out of mercy.
Try this the next time you practice. Remember to move slow and smooth, then smooth and fast. Take any technique, relax, breathe, and move through the technique. Before you get the urge to yank on someone’s wrist, hand, elbow, shoulder, neck, head, or other body part, feel the balance over or towards a kuzushi point with your training partner still slightly maintaining their own balance. Feel that point. Now breathe out and turn your hips or bend you knees every so slightly. Just enough that your training partner loses balance and falls naturally because of gravity. “Let” them fall.
In my personal life, I find the opposite is often the best wisdom. Rather than being the center of attention, “let” someone else have the spotlight. Rather than “letting them fall”, “let” them maintain their balance and you take the fall instead. “Let” them be who they are and accept and appreciate them. “Let” them love you and “let” yourself love them.
Breathe in: invite them to enter
Breathe out: blend and take balance
Let them fall
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
AikiWeb 05-09
Personal Space
Breathe in, internal personal space.
Breathe out, external personal space.
Disappearing, Expanding.
Miai is usually simply translated as distance. It is often thought of as the distance, in feet or inches, needed to make a technique effective. It is the space between people. So, how do we create that space and how do we make it effective?
While many people like to work from the outside in, I like to work from the inside out. I also like to work from the big picture to the little rather than the little picture to the big. It is like doing a jig-saw puzzle. The most important piece is the picture on the cover because it lets you see where the little pieces fit.
Personal space is consciously a kinesthetic feeling, a visceral reaction to physical space and proximity. When someone gets too close, it scares us and we push them away. When they get too far away, it scares us and we pull them back in closer. At least until they get too close again. Most people know their personal space through fear. Even a loved one can get too close. We fear enmeshment, feel suffocated, panic, and reject them. Or, they get too far away, we fear abandonment, feel loss, panic, and smother or suffocate them. This dance can go on forever, but never productively. Anything that is fear based can only be destructive. Anything that is love based can only be constructive. The wisdom in serenity knows the difference.
Personal space is not just physical, it is also psychological. In fact, sequentially, to find the external personal space, one must first find the internal personal space. The more we are filled up with our own personal learned ego identity, the more internal space we need. This is very common in western psychology. We take everything personally and think everything (including external reality) should be the way we internally think they should be. And if for some odd reason, the external reality does not match the internal fantasy, our task is the make the external world be the way we think it should be. And we wonder why we create so much resistance. Wouldn’t it be easier, more effective, and more efficient to change our internal personal space so that it doesn’t take up so much room? So instead of being all full of ourselves, perhaps it would be wiser to empty more of ourselves. The more ego you have, the more depression and anxiety you have because it is still all about you. The less ego you have, the more you have the capacity to be open to others and the situation.
So first, let us take a deep breath, relax, and be mindful of how full of ourselves we are. Let us bring our awareness to how much space, time, and energy it takes to require so much internal personal space. If we think about it, our most creative and intimate times are when we are full with the activity or the other person. Our most stuck and alienated times are when we think its all about us. Become aware of what you really want in life. How much internal personal space is really required? Make your internal personal space congruent to what you want in your future. Let your internal personal space expand, contract, and disappear.
By changing our internal personal space, we become less fear based. The less fear based we are, the less external personal space we need. The less we reject others. Don’t get me wrong, there are predators and bad-guys out there that you will want to keep at a distance. But predators and bad-guys are drawn to internally focused fear based victims. Fear puts them in control. They don’t like people who are externally aware and willing to engage. Wisdom, not aggression, becomes our shield.
We often joke about being a society of mostly sheep and a few wolves. Watch a nature show and you will see that the predators will never select the strongest in the herd. They always aim for the isolated, the weak, and the fearful. To them, the meek will not inherit the earth, they simply become easier targets. Seldom do we talk about and honor the sheep dog who thinks little of himself yet protects the sheep by fighting with the wolves. The sheep dog controls the herd by utilizing their fear. The sheep dog controls the wolves, by utilizing their fear. One side will always be afraid in an adversarial situation. Choose them. It’s a decision, direction, and discipline to stand watch while no one notices or likes you.
Touch is a very important and powerful issue too. Touch is closely inter-dependent and inter-related to personal space. You can be touched emotionally, psychologically, and cognitively without any physical touch. Just the thought of someone or some situation can bring up strong feelings and reactions, both positive and negative. You can be touched physically, and it will access and remind you of all your past experiences of being touched. How we react/respond to physical touch is determine by our internal and external need for personal space. Most of these boundary issues were taught to us early in life. Once on automatic pilot we seldom question if they are necessary or appropriate for today’s situation. Yes, it is possible to change our personal space. It is possible to expand it, contract it, or let it disappear.
How does this apply to Aikido practice?
Please remember that Aikido is often referred to as the art of body and mind harmony, or unification. Yet seldom do we talk about, much less train, the actual mental component. Yet your need for personal space will determine your conform level on entering and blending with others. The old timers say you tell a lot about a person by the way wear their Gi, walk to the mat, and bow in. Many Dojos have a sign that requests people leave their personal problems outside when they enter. It’s up to you if you pick them back up on the way out.
Aikido is also often thought of as a spiritual practice. The more we fill our internal personal space with the learned ego identity, the less room there is for spirit. The more we extend our external personal space, the more we exclude and push others away. Spirituality is inclusive.
The first is to understand and accept that the more internal personal space you have or need, the more internally focused and obsessed one is, and the more vulnerable. If you have or need a lot of internal personal space, begin by visualizing just how big it is. Some find that even though it is internal, this internal representation extends far beyond their personal physical boundaries. Now let any preexisting imaginary representation of internal personal space expand, contract, and disappear.
Next is to understand and accept your perception of external personal space. Feel how much distance (Miai) is comfortable and at what point you become fear based reactionary or confidence based responsive. Some people wait to long and react out of their startle response, if they react at all. Others initiate and intercept too soon, believing they sense an intent to attack, and become aggressive and hostile themselves. Let any preexisting imaginary representation of external personal space expand, contract, and disappear.
I often have people do an Irimi-Tenkan blending exercise. The exercise is done in pairs. The footwork in an alternating 180-degree and 90-degree Tenkan pattern. I ask them to become aware of their connectedness through their eye-contact (Metsuki), their shoulders and hips, their center. Most importantly, I ask them to visualize a sense of internal personal space getting smaller and finally disappearing, while they extend and expand their external personal space to include the other person. Try inviting and including them into your circular spiraling personal space. In a short period of time, your movements will synchronize and harmonize. The slightest movement in one naturally creates a corresponding movement in the other.
Now apply this connection of personal space to the application and execution of any Aikido technique. Most people think about doing Aikido techniques as if the point of hand contact becomes the extended external boundary of personal space, excluding their training partner. This creates two opposing circles that only touch on their circumference. Now imagine that your external personal space extends and includes your training partner. Instead of two circles touching, we have one inside the other. Relax and breathe. Extend your external personal space, your external sphere of influence.
Aikido, as a tool, can help one find and lose them self. As your internal personal space contracts and disappears, let your external personal space expand, extend, and include others. Instead of thinking about the “I”, let your mind and heart open to include the “we”. Practice this awareness with mindfulness in and outside the Dojo in all you do.
Breathe in, internal personal space.
Breathe out, external personal space.
Disappearing, Expanding.
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
AW 04-09: Always Aiming
Always Aiming.
Breathe in, metsuki and musubi.
Breathe out, kuzushi.
Always aiming.
When I first starting to learn how to break things (board and brick, not people anymore), I was taught that I needed to aim through the target. If I focused on the target, my hand would bounce off the surface and probably break instead. If I focused through the target, aiming at the floor, as if the target wasn’t even there, the target would break and my hand was uninjured. I liked that idea.
As a shooter I learned: ready, aim, fire. Yet most of the time I just fired without aiming, usually missing the target. Learning target acquisition is as important as learning the basic body mechanics of pulling the trigger.
I also learned that in life, not to just focus on the target goal. Most people slow down just before the goal and often fail at that point, never accomplishing the target goal and reinforcing self-fulfilling limitations and failure.
Elite athletes aim through the finish line. Many avoid post-event-depression by planning the next event before they finish the current one. This facilitates the aim through the event and maintains the momentum of discipline and training in a certain direction. It is direction/process-oriented.
There is a difference in business if you focus on a career path or simply the next job or raise. There is a difference in life if you strive for the quick-fix short-term happiness (usually a immature and insecure scarcity mentality) or the long-term fulfillment that only comes from being dedicated to the decision, direction, and discipline of happiness and success (a mature and secure belief in abundance). Without acquiring a decisiveness of direction and discipline, we will aimlessly wonder around wondering why we are not getting anywhere.
The other day I had the opportunity to teach Aikido. I used a variation of Tenshin-nage, or heaven and earth throw. It is called that because it is usually executed off a double arm grab (Ryote-tori). One hand goes down and the other hand goes up. But goes up or down where? What is the direction or target one is aiming at? So I took the bottom hand to an outside rear balance (Kuzushi) point by gently intercepting and aiming my Uke’s wrist bone taking balance. I took the upper hand into a nikyo directly on their centerline and directed/aimed at their rear Kuzushi point, reinforcing taking balance. Two points of contact and connectedness (Musubi). Did I mention I tend to look into and through Uke’s eyes (Metsuki) in the direction I want them to go, back and down? I do. It’s an alpha-male dog whisperer thing. I know they often tell you not to look into your opponent’s eyes because they may take your spirit. Or, you can take theirs. A third point of contact and connectedness (Musubi). Finally, I just rolled/waved the weight of my hips/center into their center. Yes, a fourth point of contact, connectedness. They dropped on the spot.
My feet, knees, hips, shoulders, eyes, hands, and intent/mind were all aimed in one direction. I was taught that structural alignment was important or energy would be wasted, not transferred. I was also taught the Ki/energy followed the direction of my structure and my intent. So, not only am I to keep my one-point, I am to align and aim it all in one direction.
When I first saw this type of movement/technique in Aikido, it looked like magic to me. That’s not totally true. It didn’t look like anything. I couldn’t see it, but I sure could feel it. Straight to the floor I could feel it. But I didn’t feel the Sensei or see him move. I wanted me some of this. So I continued to train and show up at seminars and try to learn something new or at least reinforce something old. But, even those new learnings were aimed in but one direction.
I have often been kidded about my sense of discipline. Once I get my head around something, and make a decision, I aim in that direction, and start walking. The discipline is to walk that way every day. I don’t always know where I am going, because I never would have thought I’d make it this far (neither did most people). But, we’ll see how much distance I can make. Let’s see how much distance we can make together.
Breathe in, metsuki and musubi.
Breathe out, kuzushi.
Always aiming.
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now, get back to training. KWATZ!
AikiWeb 02-09: Don’t Create What You Don’t Want.
Breathe in; be mindful of what you want.
Breathe out; decide the direction and discipline to make it happen.
Don’t create what you don’t want.
The laws of attraction are very popular right now. While this sounds like new-age media hype, its just old-age wisdom and there is validity to the belief that what we focus on gets manifested in our lives.
I was talking to a good friend the other day. He was worried that his training had hit a plateau and would never get any better. There was no evidence except in his fantasies. He actually has been coming along quite nicely. Because of this thought (fear) he often didn’t show up to train. Yes, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Fear is like that.
I remember learning how to break boards and bricks (and an occasional person). I was told to look through the target until I just didn’t see it anymore. Aim at the floor. Then put my hand there. If I focused on the target, it won and stayed in one piece. My hand didn’t. When I focused through the target, it broke with ease.
Extend ki. I remember hearing that when I started Aikido. We were from the old school of talk a little, sweat a lot. I didn’t know what that meant. It really didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Then as I trained more I found that Ki followed wherever I focused my mind. If I looked right at my training partner, all my energy stopped there and so did my movement. If I focused through him (like the board), I sailed right through.
In applied kinesiology (muscle testing) I used to demonstrate that if you hold a positive, true, or healthy thought in your mind, the body remained strong. If one thinks negatively, false, or unhealthy thoughts, the body will test weak. I recently learned that as a tester I can affect the outcome by what I think too. In communication we say that you cannot not communicate or affect another. The question is, how and in what direction do we want to affect each othe?
In a recent seminar I worked with a woman who could not seem to make irimi-nage work. Her movement was fine. When she tried it on me, I asked if she was a nice person. Of course she was. She didn’t follow through on her movement. She had no intention of throwing me. She was so focused on me that everything stopped right there in front of me. When I asked to go straight through me as if I wasn’t there, down I went.
I remember the first time I heard “don’t create what you don’t want.” I didn’t understand, but nodded like I did. The instructor demonstrated that if he tensed up his muscles, so did I. If he relaxed, so did I. If he jerked, I jerked back. If he moved slow and smooth, I just followed. If he pushed, I resisted. If he just reached through me, I followed his subtle suggestion. If he appeared angry, frustrated, or struggling, I would reciprocate. When he focused his eyes though me and let his body follow it, it was an invitation to me to let my body go too. He said, don’t create what you don’t want, and create what you do.
In program we say that what we resist persists. A client of mine went through her first holiday season clean and sober. She had gotten through most of it before she even realized what she had done. I asked her how she did that. She laughed and asked how she can tell someone that it was easy. She just focused on what she wanted, not what she didn’t want anymore. The availability of intoxicants was around her, but because her mind was not attached to it, she didn’t notice it.
When you go shopping, do you make a list of everything you don’t want and try to resist buying them? If you did, you’d be surprised how easily the cart fills up with what you don’t want. It’s wiser to make a list of what you do want, and buy that.
In the Dojo, and in life, it is important to know what you want and create that. Don’t waste time and energy creating what you don’t want and then struggle to overcome it.
Breathe in; be mindful of what you want.
Breathe out; decide the direction and discipline to make it happen.
Don’t create what you don’t want.
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
AikiWeb: 01-09 Changes
Breathe in and things change
Breathe out and things change
“Changes, changes, changes”
Several years ago an Aikido Sensei* told me a story about his Zen master. When the old man was on his death bed, the Shanga (community) gathered to ask what would become of them. The old man, smiled, laughed, and simply said, “Changes, changes, changes.”
As a Buddhist we contemplate the impermanence of existence. Suffering comes from ignorance and attachment. We become identified and attached because we believe (in ignorance) that all the events in this fleeting life are stable and permanent. By accepting that things change, it is easier to let go of one event or moment and move onto another.
Alan Watts, one of the first philosophers to bring Buddhism to the United States, wrote a book call The Wisdom of Insecurity. In it he states that most of us feel insecure because we think the world is constant and stable, permanent. Yet, we all know that the only constant in life is change. Our mental map does not match reality. Therefore, there is wisdom to our feeling insecure. Once we accept that things change and that we will feel insecure, the mental map now matches reality, and we actually don’t feel so insecure. We are no longer identified and attached to our own internal fantasies about ourselves, others, and life. We are open to accept what is, what was, and what will be.
In an old Zen story, a farmer’s horse runs away. The villagers say this is unfortunate. The farmer simply says, “We will see.” The horse returns with others following. The villagers say this is fortunate. The farmer simply says, “We will see.” While plowing the field with one of the horses, the farmer’s son breaks his leg. The villagers say this is unfortunate. The farmer simply says, “We will see.” The next day, the army arrives and takes all the young men able to serve, but cannot take the son with the broken leg. The villagers say this is fortunate. The farmer simply says, “We will see.”
I love Aikido. One of the things I love about it is that it is constantly changing. It’s a dynamic art, its in motion, it changes the way you move and more importantly it changes the way you think. When I first started I would get very frustrated with my Sensei** because it appeared every time he did a technique it was different from the last time he did it. I was looking for the one right way to do it. He would only smile. I later learned that the energy was different each time and so the technique was different. Having nothing to hide, my Sensei encouraged me to train with other instructors from other styles and affiliation. They did the same techniques, but differently. As I progressed, I saw more that was hidden in plain sight. I wasthe one who had to find it, steal it, because for it to be mine, it can never be given to me. In every moment, in every movement, in every day, things changed. If I can only stay open and accept the changes, my technique and life gets better. If I rigidly hold on to anything, I lose it.
Every New Year, I take my inventory of the year past. I write down all the major events that are now past. The ones I label positive are the ones that happened the way I wanted them to, or better. The ones I label negative (you guessed it) didn’t happen the way I wanted them to. As if everything that is good and right is about what I want and everything negative and wrong isn’t. As if it’s all about me. I almost wished I still had the ego strength (or weakness) to still think it’s all about me. We tend to hide behind these beliefs of power and control because we cannot accept the impermanence and our helplessness in life. We will invent reasons for anything we don’t understand in an effort to accept them and feel as though we have some power and control over what is happening. As I look at the past year, what strikes me most is that it is past; there is nothing I can do about it now. There is nothing unfinished needing closure. It’s finished and closed whether I like the way the story ended or not. The only choice I actually was how I responded (not reacted) to these changes in my life. And there were a lot. There always are. There always will be. And that’s what is.
I also look forward to the New Year. I also make a list of what I would like to see happen and who I want to be. Actually, it’s mostly about who I want to be because I have very little power and control over what will happen. I tend towards positive decisions, directions, and discipline. No matter what happens this coming year I want to be a loving compassionate man to my family and friends; a professional who refuses to compromise his professional ethics, client advocacy, and clinical efficacy; and to continue training. Perhaps we will share some mat space and time. Perhaps not. If we do, let’s enjoy the brief time we will have together. If not, let’s enjoy training with the people we do.
When we connect the dots and look at the big picture of our life (past, present, and future), are we moving in a positive direction? If we are, continue forward. If not, let’s re-decide our direction and discipline.
To a new moment, a new day, and a new year.
Breathe in and things change
Breathe out and things change
“Changes, changes, changes”
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
*My deepest compliments, appreciation, and respect to Sensei McGourik of Aikido-Ai in Whittier, California.
**Sensei Dang Thong Phong, founder of Tenshinkai Aikido and the Westminster Aikikai in California.
AikiWeb 12-08: The Challenge
Breathe in and be mindful of the challenge
Breathe out and accept the challenge
The discipline to walk in a positive direction
Aikido is full of challenges, or at least it should be. Life is full of challenges, or at least it should be.
It may not be politically correct or popular to see life as a constant and consistent challenge. We live in an age of fast food, quick fixes, entitlement, and wanting everything given to us. We just don’t want to work for things anymore. Somehow, I am supposed to be able to do anything without effort perfectly the first time even though I have never done it before. I am supposed to have whatever I want right now without earning it or being able to pay for it. These beliefs make life an even bigger challenge because even though they are popular, they only guarantee frustration and failure.
So rather than look for the easy way that guarantees frustration and failure, how can I cultivate the attitude of accepting the challenges life offers me?
The first challenge may be to see through all those social media perpetuated myths and memes that make the manufactures of goods and services rich and keep the rest of us poor financially and emotionally. We feel it’s our fault that we cannot get the results promised in the advertisements and perpetuated in our fantasies. We need to realize that there is only one way to get what it is that is most important to us, we have to do the work ourselves. I often laugh stating that everyone wants a college degree, but few want to attend classes. Everyone wants to have a black belt, but few show up consistently and train.
Now that you have accepted that the only way to progress in life, aikido, or anything is to accept the challenge and do the work, the question is what work?
In the military, we call it reconnaissance. Strategic and tactical plans are based on accurate and current information. So first, we need to gather information. While you cannot learn Aikido or live your life by reading a book or watching a tape/DVD, you can still learn a lot. I am an avid reader. In my Aikido library I have over 70 books and at least as many tape/DVD titles. I attend as many different seminars with as many different instructors as I can. Recently I had to obtain a second Yudansha passport because I had over 86 signatures including Doshu M. Ueshiba. Sure, I have found my favorites who repeatedly find me showing up trying to grasp that next little glimpse of what may be further down the road if I continue to practice hard and walk in a positive direction. On some level, I always assume that we already know what we need to do. We just have to do it. That’s the challenge. That’s the discipline.
I often tell people that if you know what you really want, and you know what you have to do to get it, the rest is showing up and doing it.
As we start a new year, most of us will gather on the Dojo mat New Years Day and train. It’s a ritual. It starts the New Year in a positive direction. By accepting the challenge of the New Year, we will continue to grow. Let’s keep our bodies relaxed, our minds and hearts open, and our eyes set through the new challenges we will face together. That’s the discipline.
Breathe in and be mindful of the challenge
Breathe out and accept the challenge
The discipline to walk in a positive direction
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
(BTW: From me and mine to you and yours, have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season.)
AikiWeb 11-08: Inclusion
Breathe in, connect and enter
Breathe out, extend, enter deeper, blend and become one
Always all inclusive
I remember hearing all this “connect, enter, blend, become one” philosophical stuff when I started Aikido. It made about as much sense as “let them grab you”, and “take the fall”, and worst of all “don’t hit them”. I had no idea what all that meant or where it might lead me. It was all I could do some days to get up and go train with people telling me to “relax more” and “move naturally” when this was as relaxed as I got and going in circles was something I did a lot, but not naturally and certainly not on purpose.
Not this and not that = exclusive
All of this including that = inclusive
I like to read philosophy. I even received a double major with it once. I always remember my instructors telling me that the higher levels of logic were always more inclusive and lower levels were more exclusive. It’s like molecules contain atoms, but atoms don’t contain molecules. Sentences contain words, but words don’t contain sentences. And yes, you could get into potentiality theory. You could say that the atom contains the potential to become a molecule and that words contain the potential to become sentences. But that’s a different philosophy class. Being philosophical has often helped me see the big picture and get my head (and body) around the little picture of direct application. And that is where it is for me, direct application.
I remember being in an Aikido seminar and having difficulties with a particular technique. The Sensei kept telling me what to do, but I just wasn’t getting it. He finally said that I was putting my training partners outside my technique and that I needed to include them. By mentally beginning to think of putting my training partners inside my technique, it worked. Instead of being outside my sphere of influence, he was in it.
Later I began to understand that ki tended to follow the mental focus. While I still don’t experience the rush of ki energy or flow, I can begin to control even what I don’t feel. If I think about connecting my center around and into my training partner’s center, we are connected. When I move he moves. Instead of including just his hands and arms, leaving his body outside (exclusive), I began to move as if I was circling and including his body, spine, and center. My forward momentum or even leaning would take his balance (inclusive) because he was included in my mental focus and technique. It’s another one of those “where ever the head goes, the body (and ki) follows” things I am so fond of.
I versus you = competitive, exclusive
We = cooperative, inclusive
Us versus them = conflictual, exclusive
We = connected, inclusive
As a family and couples counselor I already knew the concept. I would listen to people talk about their lives and their relationship. It’s usually the “she did this” or “he did that” or it’s “mine” versus “theirs”. Hear the use of pronouns? After a little while of compassionate listening, I would often ask, “Where is the we or us?” Their mental maps of their relationships were still based on an individual model. No wonder they were having trouble, they weren’t connect, they were not including the other person except perhaps as an inconvenient nuisance who wasn’t thinking, feeling or doing what they wanted them to do. The opposite can be equally true. There is a ceremony in which each individual lights their own candle, then lights a candle representing their connectedness, then blows their own candle out. Symbolically and metaphorically there are no longer two selves, only the connectedness of “we”. Sorry, if you want more light then keep all three candles lit. It’s not an either/or proposition. To have a “we” you will have, by definition, an “I” and a “you”. In fact the connectedness through “we” means the more I help and support you, the more you help and support me, the more “we” grow as individuals, as couples, as families, as a common-unity, a country, and a world. We all win or we all lose together
The next time you are on the mat, include the other person in your mental focus and technique. When with family and friends find the similarities and connectedness and include them in your mind and heart, in your “we”.
Breathe in, connect and enter
Breathe out, extend, enter deeper, blend, and become one
Always all inclusive
Thanks for listening, for the opportunity to be of service, and for sharing the journey. Now get back to training. KWATZ!
Just finished the book and watched the lecture.
YouTube – Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams
Say no more.
Please remember to take the time to vote today.
IMHO, its not your right, it is the responsibility and obligation earned for you by everyone who has stood watch over you while you sleep. Its a vote for all the people and can’t and even those who don’t and won’t.
Its you life. Its your voice. Its your vote.
